Dena Igusti “Houses”

You asked me why I did it

Why I hurt you

I wanted to tell you

You were a fire in the kitchen

A gas leak

A flooding bathroom

A disaster that happened

In what I was supposed to call home

A realization that being somewhere for years

Doesn’t always mean it’s safe

I’m sorry.

I had to seek shelter elsewhere

Please understand

I have been built on stories that were

Singed, tainted, and watered-down

I was scared of wearing myself out

I was scared of not having something to call home

But I was scared of coming back to something

That wasn’t stable

So I tried to rebuild myself

Filled all the missing nooks and crannies of me

With someone else’s parts

All while thinking that

If I didn’t see your damage,

Then it wasn’t there

So I still longed for home        

I did to you what I feared others would do to me

Don’t think I’m not hurting

I still have ash in my throat

Gas in my heart,

And forever drowning

But I don’t know if it’s because

Of you or me

 

-Dena Igusti (denaigusti.wordpress.com)

 

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